In the ghetttooooooooooo

Yes, folks, I am drinking chocolate milk in a wine glass. This is solely because I am too lazy to actually wash one of my ever-so-suave free McD's Disney glasses. It looks like it should be a chocolate martini, but alas, it's regular old chocolate milk.

WAIT! I have some Godiva liquor.

Holy everything that is righteous....that is better. I added some Godiva, a splash of Svedka, a touch of cream, and a few more ice cubes. I do believe this now approaches an almost official Chocolatini. It's still in a wine glass though, so my ghetto status remains.

Okay, anyhoo. I haven't had a chance to update the blog in a few days, because I was busy moving into my new divapad. I love the new place. Boxes abound, organization has not begun, but still, this place already feels like home. It's so nice to be able to do laundry and wash dishes in my fancy schmancy dishwasher. I truly take nothing for granted. Those are things that genuinely please me now.

The boys seem to be adjusting nicely. Mr. M. is sitting on the back of the sofa now, looking regal as always. Little J. is somewhere, likely perfecting the art of chewing or clawing.

I am just taking it easy tonight. Sweetie is spending the night at home, too, which is okay. I am getting better at being by myself, slowly but surely. I even confronted one of my big fears yesterday. I stopped at the store where Ex's mom shops. I know she's there all the time, and for that reason I avoid it like the plague (even though it is literally on my way home from work).

Yesterday, in the interest of time and avoidance of the nasty weather, I went there. I had an epiphany of sorts. "Why am I avoiding this woman when it was her son that cheated on me? I have nothing to be ashamed of," I thought. And then I shopped with my head held nice and high. Of course I didn't run into her. Now that I've broken the barrier, so to speak, I'll probably run into her when I am looking all unkempt and beat. I looked put-together yesterday, damnit. I looked, "I'm way past that stupid divorce and so happy now" cute. And still, the gods didn't shine on me and let me run into her.

They're making it up to me now, though, thanks to my little Chocolatini. Okay, back to my good book. OOH, and The Bachelor is on in an hour. Sweetness!

An appropriate tune...

..for today. It's MOVING DAY!!!!

Fish don't fry in the kitchen
Beans don't burn on the grill
Took a whole lotta tryin'
Just to get up that hill
Now we're up in the big leagues
Gettin' our turn at bat
As long as we live,
it's you and me baby
There ain't nothin wrong with that.
Well we're movin on up
To the east side
To a deluxe apartment in the sky
Movin on up
To the east side
We finally got a piece of the pie!!

The end is near!

Well, the end of living in my ubercruddy apartment, that is. Yesterday right after work, I ran out and bought cute, girly stuff for my new bathroom. I love knowing that in just one measly day, everything in my space will be clean and new, and I'll be able to do laundry at all hours of the day and night.

I'm so happy to be moving for so many reasons. The largest is that this space has never felt like my own, never felt homey. It's the little place I escaped to, really, and I hate being there so much. The day I moved in I barely recalled what it even looked like. I am excited to be able to come home to a place that's filled with happy memories from the last year, instead of hand-me-down things and mismatched pity furniture people gave me. It gives me a new perspective on other things in my life.

For example, I feel like I am ready to tackle big things now. I got rid of my old, sad, shell of an apartment. In my new, happier place, I feel motivated to literally take on new attitudes about things. I see myself finding a groove where I can concentrate on my writing, applying to school, baking, reading, learning to be by myself, and learning to BE myself more, going to the gym, cooking, and eating better....all those things that I used to covet but have pushed to the back burner because I haven't yet been comfortable enough with my surroundings to enjoy my life within the walls. I've spent so much of the last year seeking ways to be away from my home that I've forgotten how to function when I am there.

Okay, enough psychobabble. Last night consisted of chucking clothes into large trash bags, packing up the remainder of the kitchen, and formulating a plan to get the large mountain of boxes from one place to the other. I am so glad Sweetie is helping me with this. I would be completely lost if I were trying to do this by myself.

After packing we went out to dinner at our favorite Mexican spot. Yummers. We sat on the patio and enjoyed a nice, romantic meal and a few margaritas. We talked about our favorite nights together thus far, which I enjoyed hearing. He told me about the one time he recalls being angry with me, and it was actually kind of sweet.

We were at a concert, and I imbibed a bit too much, and was basically looped. He'd gone off the use the potty (for him, most likely a bush. God bless my Bandit.), and when he returned, apparently I was about to be pounced on by 3 big, drunk dudes. In my inebriated state, of course I knew nothing of this. He was both worried about my safety and annoyed that I didn't watch out for myself more. Call it goofy, but that made me feel good that he was worried about me like that.

Today's work news: Jerk co-worker dyed her hair back to its natural color....a very non-descript, mousy brown. It goes without saying that it is ugly. I'm practically writhing in the joy this brings me.

Can you stand another rant?

Work sucks already. This is disheartening considering it is 8am. My boss doesn't speak to me. She stares into my cube every time she passes by to see what I am doing, but to actually speak to me? HA! Unthinkable. It's so freaking ridiculous. She is all gabby gabby with my jerk co-worker, yet she cannot find the time to say as much as hello to me unless it's to send me some pointed email about how my status reports to her are not detailed enough. Here's a hint, dipshit. I GET MY WORK DONE, so my status is usually a list of things I am waiting for so I can get started on something else. Perhaps if I perused eBay all day, too, I'd have more outstanding work. Hmm. Maybe I should work on my new story idea. That will look like real work when she stares into my cube, huh?

I am really starting to hate it here. Do you know how difficult it is to drag myself out of bed when Sweetie is laying there only to have to come in to THIS for 8 hours???? I'm starting to lose all motivation, and that is not like me. And I feel a very bad headache coming on. What the hell. Maybe I will go home early.

In other news, I move in two days, and my apartment is SOOO not completely packed. This begins the rapid increase in my stress level. I know everything will get done. The fact that last night consisted of laying on the sofa with a book, eating dinner, and watching a movie instead of a marathon packing session isn't helping, though. Packing just sucks, and it's hard to figure out what needs to be kept out for the next two days and what can get shoved into boxes. I suppose that will be tonight's activity, since I really can't put it off much longer.

Another weekend bites the dust

...but, surprisingly, it left me in a decent mood, all things considering.

Friday night we hung with friends, and I got slightly annoyed when the topic of the wedding came up. Luckily, it was resolved (or, at least, we all know it needs to be) in a way that is comfortable for me.

Saturday was packing in the a.m. and then chilling out in the evening with Sweetie. I got upset because of a significant date, and then Sweetie told me some things no one wants to hear, but I'm glad he did. They shed a lot of light on certain aspects of our relationship.

Yesterday we did nothing, and it was great. Those are my favorite days together.

Tonight I am going to a book reading for a friend and then to a reception after. It's so cool that her book has been published, and I can't wait to finally meet her in person. That should be fun!

No big shocker

They are hiring someone else. I didn't get the job.

The time is approaching.

My boss just asked me to meet at 3:30. I am guessing I will get the official word on the job and who is being hired then. If it is me, Sweetie and I are going to some major kickass dinner tomorrow night.

If not, which is what my gut tells me, I shall drink copious amounts of alcohol and thank God that at least I have naturally big boobs and can write good stories.

I'm beyond frustrated

I've been sitting here for nearly an hour and a half waiting to hear from Sweetie because he's supposed to come over tonight to help me pack. There are tons of boxes in my car and bubble wrap and crap that I need help getting up to my apartment.

I've also been waiting to run to the store to see what he wanted for dinner and to do my laundry so he'd be here to help me with it after dark.

Well, now, at 6:00 he finally calls and says he doesn't feel like coming over tonight.

Well, you know what?

I don't fucking feel like hauling all those boxes in from my car by myself, or going out to the store now for dinner, and it's gotten too late to do laundry alone, since it's going to be dark soon.

This night is now a total waste, and all I can do is sit here and cry out of frustration.

I hope he enjoys his "night off." A few more like this and he can have his whole fucking life off.

That's all. I'm done being a bitch now.

The promotion that never was

Well, I am 99.9% certain I am not getting the job. I already knew this, but it still sucks. I'm pretty calm about it...not too upset.

I just overheard talk that the remaining interviews have been cancelled. Since they interviewed another candidate yesterday, I am guessing this means they hired him/her. I guess this is why my boss has been nice to me today. It just sucks because this truly was my only opportunity to get promoted here, and my boss knew that. I could have really used the extra salary, which she also knew.

Even though I am planning to pursue my PhD, that's not for a year, so I do think I will start looking for something else for that time period. What happened here was not fair, and I'm not going to be berated daily by a boss who deliberately does things that hurt my career. I still believe I did the right thing by interviewing, and I will be doing the right thing when I leave.

Coincidentally, my GRE study books just arrived. This must be a sign that I am moving my life in a more positive direction.

No hair drama for me

It must be getting ready to snow, because my hair looks really good. The colorist did highlights and lowlights, a base color thing to even it out, and a glaze. By the end I didn't really care what was going on my head. The result is gorgeous. The color is very much like my own, just with lots of detail in the individual strands.

I'm not AS thrilled with the cut. There aren't as many long layers in it as I wanted. It was difficult to tell last night when it was styled, but this morning when I did it, I realized my cut is mostly one length (it's about 4 inches past my shoulders). I think she cut most of my previous layers out. Oh well...next time I will just get a different stylist and have more layers cut back in. I decided not to cut it short because I want to grow it long for a couple of big events in the next few months....namely my company holiday party!

But the new salon rocks. They are expensive and slow, but the quality of the staff makes up for it. It was the perfect end to a crappy day, topped off by Sweetie telling me I looked beautiful a couple times, including right before I fell asleep.

In other news, I am really looking forward to seeing Classy when she comes to town in a few weeks, and hopefully going to visit her the following weekend. We are going to take these cities by storm! WOOHOO!

Off with my hair!

errrr...something like that. In the midst of my cruddy day I looked at myself in the mirror, was sufficiently frightened, and decided to call this hot salon near my apartment for an appointment. Turns out they can fit me in tonight. Tonight. I have never gone into a hair appointment, let alone one at a new salon, blindly. I am normally the annoying chick who brings pictures of the cut she wants from every angle and asks the stylist to show me where she's cutting before the scissors even so much as graze my scalp so I know just what's being taken off and from where.

Not tonight though. I am going with a general idea of what I want done, asking their opinion, and seeing how it ends up. It's just hair, right?

Stay tuned.

Tales from an interview

My interview was today. You know, the one for the promotion I was supposed to get. MMMyea, that one. It was two hours long (I don't even remember my original job inerview being that long), included an editing test (because clearly my boss doesn't see me edit on a daily basis), questioning from the co-worker I've so flatteringly named Jabba the Hutt (for her ungainliness and lack of neck) as well as two other members of management who barely spoke a word to me before seeing that I had a master's degree. Swell.

When one saw my publication listing, he said (insert face of one who's just tasted a Warhead for the first time), "What is that?"

"It's a literary journal," I replied. He said he'd never heard of the publication. Yes, buttchunk, that is because you are a technical person, not a literary person. It doesn't make the journal, or my publication in it, any less valid.

I do think my general artsy-ness and pierced tongue probably didn't fare well, though. I'm sorry. I am just not an oxford shirt and Dockers kind of gal. I did, however, wear an outfit from Banana Republic. Doesn't that count for something on the corporate scale of suck-up?

All Hail....my big decision

Since my whole job situation has been in a state of flux recently, I have spent considerable time evaluating what is really important to me, what it is I really want to do as a career, etc. The bottom line is this job, this company, this whole field is just not it. Nothing about it gets me excited or makes me happy.

Sooooo....... I have decided to apply for a doctoral program. Part of me thinks I am nuts, but this decision feels right. It fits, and it feels like the path I am supposed to take because I am surprisingly calm despite the fact that it means a major move, quitting my job, and lots of work.

I absolutely love school, the academic environment, and all that goes along with it. I am in my element there, and I finally figured out that getting my Ph.D. would allow me a life in academia, which would keep me challenged and fulfilled in ways a traditional 9-to-5er just can't.

I've scheduled my GRE for November 13th, and my prep books are on their way to me in the mail. As for schools, I am looking at Florida State, Georgia State, and ??? (TBD...those are just the two I am sure I am applying to). After that will come the official application process, visiting each school, and then the waiting game to see which one, if any, I get into.

Wish me luck. This is a biggie.

My Friday tale of woe

I'm home sick again. I can barely speak, and I feel as though I am on the verge of coughing up something I'd rather not discuss.

Anyhoo, because I am a consummate Type A, I felt a compulsion to do laundry in my sickened state. I washed only two small loads: 1 of jeans that I could hang on my drying rack and my new set of white jersey knit sheets to strip and change my bed as soon as the illness goes away.

I just went back to put the sheets in the dryer. The crapass washer ruined my sheets. They are now stained this hideous brownish shade and the flat sheet has a huge brown spot on it. I don't know if the machine had rust in it, bad water, whatever. But they are ruined. So, on top of being really focking sick, I have to trek over to the rental office and request compensation for my nice brand new white-now-brown-sheets.

Calgon, take me away.

The verdict is in

A bad upper respiratory infection.

Ick. Well, at least it's not bronchitis or strep, which I thought were distinct possibilities. I was sent on my merry way with a Rx for Zithromax, a hearty suggestion that I should not go to work tomorrow, and a feeling that the new doctor's office is actually quite nice. What a change!

So here I am, back home with the boys and hoping that first dose of the Z kicks in soon. I'm going to take my good cough medicine, so no pinot grigio for me tonight. Boohiss. I am going to be making my famous pasta, and I splurged and bought a great sourdough baguette and some stuff to make red pepper-infused dipping oil, so that will be a nice treat. No counting calories for me tonight. I've lost 3 lbs. since last week, but since I am sick and have no real appetite (I've only had a few Goldfish crackers today) I figure a decent Italian dinner will be allrighty.

Off to vacuum the apartment and read a bit till Sweetie gets here.

Home sick

I'm home sick right now, awaiting my doctor's appointment to see what mysterious ailment has decided to grace me with its presence. Oh, and I am supposed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. Clearly THAT's a good idea when I can barely even speak due to the oh-so-chic cough that I've developed. Stay tuned for details of my latest medical crisis.

Tonight

My sweetie is in the shower, and I am making dinner (pizza).

I heard back from my academic adviser about a possible doctoral program and, although my mom thinks it is a bad idea because I might burn out, I am tempted to go for it.

Here's the thing. I freaking love school. I love reading and writing. Without it, my brain feels like it is going to wither and die, and I despise that feeling of emptiness. The feeling of completion when I have just made words appear on a page that I am satisfied with is almost incomparable, and I miss that.

So, despite all my fears about finding a new job and whatnot, I am seriously considering a doctoral program. Thank you, Classy, for the inspiration last night. You're the best, bebe!!!!!!!

Out of sorts

I have several good things in my life to feel extremely happy about, but right now all I want to do is complain.

First, I am under the weather today. Second, certain things this weekend bothered me, and I am working on that. Although, considering I clearly don't know how to approach big issues, that's going to be a tough one. Third, I am trying to decide whether to:

a) look for a new job around here
b) say "forget it" and look for a new job back home and/or elsewhere
c) go back to school again

Big difference there, huh? As always there are pros and cons with all of them. For some reason I can't seem to get my head together enough to decide what is right for me.

Really, I wish I could figure out what I need and stick with it. Actually, I kind of know what I need, and I don't think I can have it. The thought is so painful that I can't even let myself think about it most times. So, instead, I make myself too busy to have time to think about it. It's gotten to the point that I don't even know HOW to stay home and do nothing anymore because I am so wound up all the time. I'm trying to relearn how to do that this week. That is my goal.