Thanksgiving weekend....

First, Sweetie and I had a fight on Wednesday night. During the day he was being kind of weird, and I got the feeling he wanted to go out with his friends and not me that night. But he insisted he wanted me to come out. We got to the bar, and some of his friends showed up. Fine. I hung out with his mom and a friend of hers while he chilled out with the guys. A friend from work stopped by, so I talked to her for a bit. We were all having a good time watching the band and being social. About 11:45, I started to get tired, and I told Sweetie. He got an attitude with me, saying he wasn't ready to leave yet. Mind you, we'd been there since 7:30. I said okay, then we would stay a bit longer. I was drinking, so I'd planned to stay at his house, otherwise I would have just gone home myself.

Anyway, a few minutes later, he was like, "Fine, let's go." We got outside, and he said, "I feel like I'm fucking married." Well, that did it right there. I started crying and it just got really ugly. I reminded him that I was going to his Thanksgiving dinner, and not seeing MY family for him, and if he couldn't drag himself away from the bar long enough to run me home, I had a real problem with that. I was like, "Listen, if you don't want to be here, you need to tell me right fucking now, so I can go see my family tomorrow." I was so angry and hurt.

He also threw out some bullshit about me not trusting him, which made me really mad, too. He said he thought I wouldn't go home alone because I didn't want him at the bar with other girls there. WTF? That was totally out of left field. If anything, in this relationship, I have made conscious efforts TO trust, and he knows how hard that is for me. And, in the past, his girlfriends have been very distrustful, so I think he assumed I was, too. I said, "I've brought you to my parents' home....to my grandmother's home. If I didn't trust you, you wouldn't be given that privilege." I really let him have it. I've never gone off on him like that before.

We went to his house, and he eventually apologized for his asstastic comments. He said he loves me so much, is totally dedicated to me, he just gets frustrated about his friends. He feels like he's viewed differently because he's settled down. I was like, "you know what, buddy? That's your problem. And those are some shitty friends if they don't want to hang out with you because you have a girlfriend."

I got up at 6:30 and helped him get the turkey in the oven, but I was still hurt and angry from the fight. I cannot stand to argue. So all day Thanksgiving I am thinking I want to go home, I want to see my family because I am feeling so awful about this. But I go to Sweetie's anyway because I said I would. After dinner, I am getting ready to go home because I still feel bad. He is apparently waiting for this dude to come with some stuff, so I say I'm leaving. He then hints that maybe he will come home with me. So I wait. And we wait. I am getting so irritated waiting around for this fucking dealer that I can barely speak to him when we finally do go to my place. As usual, he gets totally fucked up and passes out.

Friday I shop during the day and Friday night we go to his brother's show and out to dinner. Fine...this is nice. We come home. Once again....gets fucked up and passes out. I can't get him to come to bed, so I just leave him in the living room.

So anyway, Saturday he is at home all day working on a job, and I am shopping/cleaning/etc. He comes over and we go to the holiday cocktail party. Well, it turns out I get a fever and get sick and we have to leave. By the time we get home I am moaning from body aches and am totally sick. He gets me set up on the sofa with juice and tylenol and proceeds to (yes, you guessed it) drink a ton of wine and pass out. I am so sick and only want to go to bed, but he is not moving. Finally I just leave him there and go to bed myself. Nothing like taking care of yourself and your passed out boyfriend when you are so sick.

Yesterday I was alone and sick all day while he went home and watched the game, etc. (This was my choice...I told him to go because I wasn't up to coming with him). He came back last night and it was the same thing. I seriously want to cry all the time because of it. I don't know what to do. Our relationship is so fucked up, I can't even begin to describe it. He doesn't want to have sex with me, he just wants to freaking drink and jerk off, I suppose. I don't understand. He clearly loves me, so I am at a total loss why this is the way things are. I am literally sick over this.

So that was my holiday. I hope yours was better.